


I have to go

by BetustaMorla



Series: So many sasusaku feels [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Bittersweet, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, F/M, Feels, Goodbyes, I cried a little while writing this, expect to be a few broken things because sakura, so much feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 10:56:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19990990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetustaMorla/pseuds/BetustaMorla
Summary: What happens when it's time to say goodbye





	I have to go

"I'm leaving."

"Sasuke." His wife said softly, she was sad and it was his fault, as always he was the one to crush her heart. It had been four years since he was in Konoha with his family, he wouldn't deny it had been the happiest years of his life. Yet a shadow had lingered in his mind since he started his travels and now its roots where embeded deep into his awareness. He couldn't sleep, he barely eat and it was killing Sakura to see him like this without being able to help. "I-" Sakura stopped and went silent again, she didn't know what to say.

"I won't be able to come back for some time." He continued, it was best to say everything in one go than to prolong the inevitable hurt his decision will cause.

Sakura eyes jumped to his, her hurt, confusion and anger where all there, she didn't need to utter a word for him to understand. 

"The danger I have been feeling... It's real and getting closer, Naruto can feel it too. I've waited too much to act."

"That doesn't mean you have to go and not being able to come home...!" She choked.

Sasuke wanted to reach for her, to embrace her taking all of the hurt and fear away. But doing so would just give her false hope, so he stayed his hand and took a slow breath. "It does. What I'm about to do will not just take me around the five countries, I'll have to jump through realities and other worlds. I don't know what I might find and what could follow. Mi rinnegan is like a beacon to all those other dimensions, if I'm not careful enough I could put you and Sarada in danger." He stated calmly.

Sakura fist clenched, he only hoped she wouldn't hit anything or the whole house would come down. It had already happen once. "Even if you say that...! It sounds like you're going to go for years and not come back."

Sasuke didn't answer, because she was right. When she realized his silence was a confirmation she made a dismayed moan followed by a sob. "You could still come from time to time, if not, Sarada might even...even..." She couldn't finish, her tears too many and he knew her throat was constricted.

"She will forget how I look, the sound of my voice." He finished for her.

Now her eyes sharpened and fury was starting to burn in them. "How can you be so calm saying things like that! Don't you feel anything when you're about to leave us? Or is it that you don't care anymore?" She screamed.

Sasuke should know better than to lose his temper, specially because she was speaking without thinking and she was hurting. But even after all this years he still wasn't a master to his emotions. He moved in a flash in front of her and grabed her wrist forcefully. "How could you know how I feel?" He hissed. "Do you think I want to lose my family again? To wake every morning alone and go to sleep without feeling the warmth of my wife and daughter through out the whole day? To have to choose between hurting the ones I love again or risk to lose them forever? Sakura. You have never known what any of that is like. You haven't tasted true loneliness." He finished, his voice cold and his heart stoned.

Sakura watched him with wide eyes, tears marrying her face. Then she grabbed him by the front of the shirt and brought him closer to her eyes. "You're an asshole Uchiha Sasuke! Not for even a second think I don't care how you're going to feel. Don't you see? I hurt when you hurt, it'll kill me when our Sarada cries for her dad and you won't be able to soothe her!" He felt his heart squeeze painfully. Why did he have to cause so much hurt and pain to those he loved? Maybe it had been better to leave Sakura to find someone else who could make her happy without stealing it away shortly after. But he had been selfish, he had wanted to embrace the woman he loved, he had wanted to see a small child running around Konoha with the uchiwa symbol in their back.

Sasuke teared away his wife's hand away from his shirt violently. It was the wrong move, Sakura reciprocated his move by taking him by the arm and throwing him through the glass backyard door. The glass made a strenuous sound and he grunted when the impact of earth against his back rushed the air out of his lungs. Before he could regain some focus Sakura straddled him and punched the earth besides his head, it broke the earth and some debris flew around them. His wife was panting, more in deep emotion than in exertion, he instead was trying to get a normal breath pattern that let him think straight. The silence around them grew longer and strained.

When he was able to focus his gaze again he watched the furious frowned face of the woman he loved atop of him. Sasuke covered his eyes with his arm, an almost hysteric laugh erupted from his mouth. He only guessed what expression Sakura could have now, maybe he finally had convinced her that he was absolutely crazy and broken beyond repair. 

"Sasuke." He heard her sweet voice contorted with emotion. He realized too late that he was crying, Sakura moved his arm out of the way and buried her hand in his hair drawing their foreheads together. He closed his eyes again as more tears fell down, their breaths mingled together and he felt droplets fall into his cheeks. Tears over tears, hurt over hurt, helplessness with hopelessness. 

"I'm sorry Sakura. I should have never-"

"Don't say it!" She stopped him. "I knew who you where when we started this, I knew the dangers and the troubles it would bring. But still I would choose to face all the hurts and perils of this world by your side than none by someone else's side."

Sasuke breathed and pulled her into an embrace. Her face rested by his neck and her hands in his chest. He didn't deserve her nor Sarada, but she had warned him to stop saying such foolish things or she would have to punch some sense into him, so he didn't say it. He could feel her heartbeat against his chest it calmed and soothed his mind into a blank state. "I wish I could be better." He whispered. "I wish I didn't have to go, that whenever I'm with my daughter in the Village people wouldn't step back in fear nor pull their children away from Sarada for who her father is. I wish too, that my anger against them wasn't growing again and be the father Sarada needs. If I stay how I currently am, I'll hurt the two of you." There it was, another reason for why he was leaving, it wasn't the prime reason but it had weighted heavy on his mind as well. He didn't want to be a catalyst for their daughter to be ostracized and make her resentment grow like it easily sprouted in him.

Sakura took a shaky breath but replied sadly "I know."

"I still can't-can't let all of my hate go. It's there always, waiting for something to latch into."

Sakura raised from his chest, smiled mournfully and tenderly moved some of his hair out of his face. "Someday you won't have to worry about it anymore." She said with conviction, he could only wonder what she saw in him, but he believed her because he couldn't do anything else.

"But not today."

"Not today." She agreed.

They both started to get up, but he suddenly stopped when pain broke through his shoulder. Sakura noticed immediately, not two seconds later her chakra was flowing in his shoulder repairing the damage she had caused with her burst of anger.

"Sorry for losing my temper." She said sheepishly.

"Hn." _You don't have to apologize_. She smiled understanding what he meant.

...............................................

He watched as Sarada squished her mothers face and giggled and Sakura smiled right back at her and cooed, but her attention changed quickly at him. "Papa!" Sarada called to him making grabby hands. His face softened and walked closer to take their daughter from his wife's arms. "Why are you sad papa?" Sarada took his face between her tiny hands, Sakura saw him turn an his Sharingan, he wanted to remember perfectly his last moments with Sarada. Sakura's heart twisted painfully in her chest when her husband smiled sadly at his hope and greatest accomplishment. He had said so when he had seen her walk on her own for the first time.

_"She represents all the good in my life...And you gave her to me." She had smiled watching at their sleeping daughter in her lap, she had exausted herself after taking her first steps. They were seated in their garden enjoying a warm spring afternoon._ _"Sakura." He called. She turned her gaze from her daughter to her husband. Their eyes met and it surprised her to see so much love in there, for he had always left his feelings locked away from others, he still rarely showed them so freely, even to her. "Thank you." He said softly, it was said so earnestly and lovingly she couldn't help some tears to drop down her cheeks._

_Sasuke had smirked bemusedly and turned to see the sky again. "Crybaby." He teased._

_Sakura giggled drying her tears. "Sheesh. Sasuke, don't go saying those things out of the blue."_

_"Hn." A gust of wind swirled their hair, his bangs moved back and she could see the smile still present in his face, she caresed Sarada's hair a big smile stretching her face, she had never been more happy and she knew neither had Sasuke._.

"Don't be sad papa! Or mama will get sad too!" Sarada pouted.

Sasuke put her down and stayed at her eye level, then put a hand on her head. "It will be okay Sarada, your mom is strong." _She will take care of you._ "You will have to watch after her for me while I'm away." _I'm sorry_. All the things he left unsaid Sakura could pick and it added to her heartache.

"When will you be back papa? I don't want you to go!" Sarada wined.

Sasuke stayed silent, his face impassive but Sakura knew it was killing him to hear that. He rested his forehead against her tiny one. Her cheeks puffed when he moved back and she buried her face into his neck.

"I won't let you go!" She declared strongly.

Sakura smiled sadly. Knowing her daughter she wouldn't release her papa until she fell sleep, which she would do soon for it was past her usual sleep time.

...............................................  


Sasuke was in his travel clothes a grim look in his face. 

"Take care Sasuke, don't make me have to travel half the world to heal you." She said teasing.

"Hn." _As if_. She had gotten pretty good at translating his short answers, she giggled. When she looked into his eyes she was surprised to see his sharingan was on, her heart fluttered again like the first time he had done it and she could feel a small blush rise into her face and she saw a small smirk appear in his face.

But then she remembered where they were and what was about to happen and sobered up as inevitability catch up to them, so she put her hand over his chest and pressed a soft kiss into his mouth, they parted millimeters so their lips brushed when she spoke. "You will come back." 

She stated it with strength, then she moved back and her hand dropped down to her side again. "Now go, don't linger anymore." It hurt to say it, but she didn't want him to suffer more of what a long goodbye would entail.

He stared at her for some time. "Sakura..."

Sakura sighed, raised her hand and tapped his forehead. "You can tell me next time." She didn't let him say anymore, it wouldn't help.

He looked surprised at her then huffed and deactivated his Sharingan. "Hn." 

He turned and started to walk away, he didn't falter nor turned back because if he did Sakura knew he wouldn't be able to keep going. But she stayed there until his figure had long disappeared in the road. A warm wind ruffled her hair and she closed her eyes remembering his warm smile in a not so long afternoon and the small girl sleeping in her room right now. "Thank you, Sasuke."


End file.
